Welcome to the first round of the 2010 Cubs of Yore Battle Royale.  Today we get things started with matchups in the Jose Cardenal Region.  2009 champion Glenallen Hill will begin his run for a second title against 8th seeded newcomer Doug Glanville.  Also squaring off is Rich Harden versus 90s infielding whiz Rey Sanchez, Mike Bielecki takes on fellow former Cub pitcher Glendon Rusch, and Mark Grudzielanek will battle it out against Doug Dascenzo.

This should be an exciting group of matches here.  Just like last year, I will outline each matchup, giving the readers a little background about each player. Once you've finished reading, you are then encouraged to vote for your favorite player to win the battle in the polls located in the right sidebar.

The polls will run until Thursday afternoon-ish where they will then be closed and the winners announced.


JOSE CARDENAL REGION, ROUND 1

• Hails from the Land of Badass Motherfuckers.
• Played with the Cubs for 5 years.
• HE DON'T TAKE NO SHIT FROM NOBODY.
• Hit a HR onto a 5-story apartment complex outside Wrigley Field in 2001.
• Was named in the Mitchell Report. It remains his most famous mention in anything ever.
• Not very good on defense; nicknamed "The Juggler" for his defensive ineptitude. Just don't call him that to his face.

DOUG GLANVILLE FAST FACTS*

• Hails from New Jersey.
• Played with the Cubs from 1996-1997 and again in 2003.
• Was traded after the 1997 season to the Phillies in exchange for Mickey Morandini.
• Attended University of Pennsylvania.
• Now writes guest columns for the New York Times.
• Wrote this gem about Mark McGwire's PED use.
• Also works as a baseball analyst for ESPN.  If he's smart he'll eventually jump ship for MLB Network.

---

• Hails from Canada.  Often called the Michael J. Fox of baseball.
• Pitched for the Cubs from 2008 to 2009
• Led team last season in upside potential.
• Pitching more than 7 innings will cause him to turn into a gremlin.
• Traded to the Cubs for Thunder Matt Murton, among others.

REY SANCHEZ FAST FACTS*

• Hails from Puerto Rico.
• Played with Cubs for 7 years.
• Has played for 1/3 of MLB teams.
• One of the great practitioners of the sacrifice bunt.
• THE definition of a bench player.
• Can play all the infield positions.
• Cannot play the banjo, despite years of lessons.

---

---

MARK GRUDZIELANEK FAST FACTS*

• Batted .312 over two seasons with the Cubs.
• Received a NL MVP vote in 2003.
• 1987 Regional Skee-Ball champion.
• Acquired by the Cubs along with Eric Karros in exchange for Todd Hundley and Chad Hermansen.  HAHA! (Points and laughs at the Dodgers)
• Most misspelled name in Cubs history.  Jeff Samardzija may have been misspelled more but who gives a shit?
• Favorite food is ham and cheese Hot Pockets.

 DOUG DASCENZO FAST FACTS*

• Hails from Western Pennsylvania.
• Played with Cubs for 5 years.
• At 5' 8", pioneered the "small scrappy fan favorite" niche on the Cubs that everyone seems to love. Mike Fontenot, Ryan Theriot and Sam Fuld owe him a debt of gratitude.
• Has a career ERA of 0.00 in 5 innings pitched with 2 strikeouts and 2 walks. Certainly much better than the 3.1 innings Samardzija threw so far this season.
• Once played in 241 consecutive games without committing an error, a NL record at the time.
• Shares the same birthday as.... Mark Grudzielanek.

*Some of the Fast Facts may not be true.

Over the past year and a half I've taken my fair share of shots at Milton Bradley. Watching him play last year for the Cubs was brutal at times and his attitude sure didn't help matters. I saw a bit of an interview with writer Elizabeth Merrill on Baseball Tonight a few days ago, about her recent interview with Bradley, who has returned to the Mariners following a stay on the restricted list to sort out his personal problems. You can find her article here. It's a real eye-opening look at this controversial player and his struggles with depression.

I'm sure that there are some fans out there who are going to dismiss this attempt by Bradley to come to terms with himself. He's done the anger management thing to little effect in the past. However, as one who suffers from the occasional bouts of deep depression, I found myself relating to Bradley and his difficulties. I really wish that he had been able to be honest with himself, the team, and the fans while he was in Chicago. Maybe things would have turned out differently, or maybe they wouldn't have, but I would have been able to better understand where Milton was coming from. I've felt what he felt, albeit on a much smaller, less public scale.

I think it's great that the Mariners and their fans are giving Bradley every opportunity for redemption and are showing him understanding. I only wish that Milton had given Chicago and Cub fans a chance to do the same. Sure there are Cub fans who are dicks, but no more so than the average baseball fans (okay, maybe there might be a slightly higher percentage of dicks). I think he's done such a great job of masking his real issues behind his angry persona that it was hard for people to feel sympathy for him.

If you've never had depression, you can't really understand what it's like. You can't just man up, suck it up, and get over it. It's a fucking disease, an insidious soul-killing disease. Even a man who appears to have everything: a multimillion dollar salary, loving wife and child, and great athletic ability can suffer from it. In a way, I imagine that only made things worse for Bradley. You know you're supposed to be happy and yet there's something inside you that won't allow it and you feel even worse for not being happy when you should. I've ridden that train before and believe me, it sucks.

So I'm done making fun of Milton Bradley. I honestly wish him the best of luck in Seattle and I hope he finds what he's looking for. As a Cub fan, I only wish things had gone better for him here and that he'd been able to conquer his demons sooner.

A while back we asked you to cast a ballot to select some new players to join this year's Cubs of Yore Battle Royale.  We thank all of you that took part in the selection process and now I would like to show you the result of your time and effort.  Presenting the official COYBR 2010 bracket.  Click on it to see a larger, more readable version.

Half of this year's bracket features returning competitors from last year (all the odd number seeds) and the other half are newcomers to the Battle Royale this year (even numbers).  This year looks to be even more competitive than last year.  Rounding out the top seeds are last year's Final Four, Glenallen Hill, Keith Moreland, Steve Trout, and Dwight Smith.  They'll have a tough fight against the #2 seeds and leading vote-getters in last month's poll, Mark Grudzielanek, Bill Mueller, Matt Clement, and Rod Beck.  All in all this should be interesting to see how it plays out.

The Battle Royale will kick off tomorrow with the first round of matches in the Jose Cardenal Region.

I missed Game 3 of the Sharks-Hawks Playoff Series on Friday night (being a good husband is hard damn work sometimes), but was glued to the TV yesterday afternoon for Game 4. With a 3-0 series lead, the Blackhawks had a chance to eliminate the Sharks and move on to their first Stanley Cup Finals since 1992. The Sharks drew first blood and looked really strong in the first thirty minutes, clogging up the neutral zone and holding back the Blackhawks. Logan Couture scored in the first period and then Niemi nemesis Patrick Marleau scored his fifth goal of the series in the second while the Sharks were shorthanded. Just prior to that, Hawks defenseman Duncan Keith took a puck to the mouth and lost several teeth. Despite the injury, he returned to the ice. What a badass.

Those two goals were all Antti Niemi would allow for the rest of the game. Later in the second, Brent Seabrook managed to slip a puck through Evegeni Nabokov's legs during a mad scramble around the Sharks' goal. Davey Bolland, a thorn in the Sharks' sides all series, tied the game with a beautiful shot with just over a minute left in the second.

In the third, playoff hero Dustin Byfuglin would do it again, scoring his 8th playoff goal and his 3rd game winning goal. This is Big Buff's world, we're just living in it. The Sharks would pull Nabokov and go to the extra attacker to try and tie the game up, but Kris Versteeg was able to score an empty netter to seal the deal and send the Blackhawks to their first Stanley Cup final in 18 years.

This was a great series. Despite being swept, the Sharks played well in each game. People will say that they choked, but that's a bunch of bullshit. Any of these games could have gone either way. The difference basically came down to three men: Jonathon Toews, Dustin Byfuglien and Antti Niemi. They all deserve to be MVP of the playoffs. Toews led in post-season points and assists, Buff was an unstoppable force, and Antti Niemi defied all the pundits by playing at an elite level.

Four more wins to go.

Let me preface this post by letting you know that by employment I am a graphic designer (I created that cool looking banner above). Shocking, I know. I actually have a real job, don't live in my parent's basement and don't spend my time writing angry letters to Cubs management while lusting over the barista at Starbucks that, "I'm sure will break up with her boyfriend and go out with me, just as long as I can get her to know the REAL me." So I spend a lot of my days with graphics, fliers and the usual design shit that us designers do. That also means I spend a lot of time trying to find the correct font for a certain job. If you don't know what a font is, you can follow this link here.

So this got me thinking, if the Cubs players were fonts, which ones would they be? Now, I didn't sit down and analyze this list heavily, I just threw a couple of ideas together, so if you disagree you can GFY. No seriously, if you have any other good ideas feel free to leave them in the comments sections below. That is if Jake will let you. So here goes: the names, the fonts and a brief explanation of each.

Infield:

Derrek Lee - Impact
He's big, black, imposing, gets your attention and gets the job done. Racist? Maybe, but if you're insulted already, I suggest you go read another Cubs blog. I recommend Bleed Cubbie Blue, the vanilla of all Cubs blogs.

Ryan Theriot - Comic Sans
Sure everyone likes to pick on the little guy. He's barely above midget stature and his Cajun upbringing makes it easy to insult his intelligence, so this was an obvious pick.

Starlin Castro - KidTYPERuled
The kid is barely old enough to vote, he can't drink yet and is the first player born in the 90s to play in the bigs. This was another obvious choice. (Side note: There has yet to be a Playmate born in the 90s. And you thought Hef was just a big pedobear).

Mike Fontenot - Goudy Old Style
This font reminds me of something you would see in France. Just coming back from vacation in New Orleans, this is a similar font to what is used for their famous French Quarter street signs. A stretch for the Pocket Rocket? Maybe.

No one current player on the team says "Mr. Cub" to me than E-Ramis. So I chose the font that is the "C" in the Cubs logo.

Geovany Soto - Keep on Truckin
Soto seems like a big, Mexican hippy to me (yes, I know he's from Puerto Rico, DIAF). So I gave him a hippy font. Smoke another, Geo. No, wait, you seem to be doing good again now that you've laid off the sticky icky.

Koyie Hill - Broken 74
This font is broken, just like Koyie's fingers. But it calls a good game. Wait, what?

Outfield:

Alfonso Soriano - Boingo
Soriano hops like a little girl and likes to show off, so I gave him a cutesy font with a name that mirrors his signature move (no, not the one where he stands and admires his warning track shots).

Marlon Byrd - Arial Black
There is hardly a stong, no nonsense, get the job done font than Arial Black. So far this year, this is exactly how the Byrd Man has played. And no, I didn't add the black because...you know. It's the name of the font, you fucking racist bigot.

Kosuke Fukudome - Karate
I didn't say I couldn't be racist, just you couldn't be. Deal with it.

Pitchers:

Randy Wells - Futura
I already did the kid thing with Castro and Theriot, plus Wells seems mature beyond his age. What he could be, though, is a great pitcher with many years of Cubs greatness ahead of him, thus Futura.

Carlos Silva - Blippo
He's a fatty. 'Nuff said.

Ted Lilly - Bad Mofo
Another font that needs no explanation.

Ryan Dempster - Bomb Font
Always a jokester, I had to give Dempster a goofy font. This font is pretty funny, right? Right? Hello? Is this thing on?

Tom Gorzelanny - Goonies
Yeah, I got a little bit lazy near the end of list, but you know you would have picked this font, too!

Carlos Zambrano - Burrito
I was torn on Big Z. He's so much: crazy, good, crazy, big, crazy. In the end I went the racist route again. Whatever.

John Grabow - Courier
This font was great when Windows 3.1 came out. Now, no one dares to use it and if you do you basically ruin any sort of chance you had at making a good design. This font is useless, just like Grabow.

Sean Marshall - Helvetica Roman
Just like Helvetica, Marshall works well in just about any situation you place him in. He doesn't complain, isn't flashy, just gets the job done without any fanfare.

Carlos Marmol - Cocaine Sans
Just like this font, Marmol's stuff is sick, dirty and looks awesome.

So there you go. I didn't hit on all of the 25 man roster, but those I didn't cover are pretty bland anyway so you can just lump them all into the Times New Roman font family.

Go Cubs!

Bruce Levine reports that the Cubs will sign Bob Howry before today's game against Texas.

Let's recap.  On Monday, Bob Howry was released by the Arizona Diamondbacks, a team that according to Brad Evans at Yahoo Sports could have one of the worst bullpens in baseball history.  Check this excerpt:

Arizona's fangless 'pen is on pace to be one of the worst in baseball history. Over 109.1 innings, the despicable unit has posted a 7.90 ERA. That's over 1.70 average runs allowed more than the second-worst backend staff in the league, Milwaukee. If the D-Backs continue at that level of generosity, they will be the first team since 1930 to finish a season with a bullpen ERA above 7.00. Torched by the long-ball, walks and wildness, the Snakes, suffice it to say, are Shawn Kemp slutty.

Awesome!  Why wouldn't we want their garbage?  It's like clamoring for some songs that didn't make the cut on a Hoobastank album.

So the hope apparently is that Howry can find his old form with a return to the Cubs.  Would that be his old 2008 form where he gave up 13 homers in roughly 70 innings?  Or his old 2007 form where he was actually serviceable in a setup role?  Given what he achieved in Arizona, I'm guessing 2008 will show up again.

Oh and one last note.  Lou, can we please get a day off from John fucking Grabow?  At least Carlos Marmol is exciting to watch when he walks multiple batters.  Grabow is giving me Will Ohman flashbacks.

Contrary to Goreo's last post, the Cubs have not signed Howry, but apparently are interested in him.

Translation Jim Hendry is interested in him.  I think I speak for all Cubs fans when I say, "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

For God's sake the frickin' Diamondbacks didn't want him.  Have you seen the Diamondbacks bullpen?  Jeff Samardzija could be a stud in that pen, and he has no discernible pitching talent whatsoever.

Please, I beg of you.  Let Howry die in Viking funeral and let him drift away on the Sea of Forgotten Relievers.

Being a Cub fan is never dull, I'll give it that. Things finally seemed like they were going well: the Zambrano rotation-setup-long relief-back to the rotation drama was at an end, Sean Marshall (the best pitcher for the job) was made the 8th inning guy, and the Cubs managed to match their longest winning streak of the year against Philadelphia (4 games in a row? When did these fuckers win 4 games in a row?) last night. Hell, Aramis Ramirez even had a walk-off home run against Colorado the other night and he and Derrek Lee are starting to show some signs of life in the batter's box. Starlin Castro has provided some nice buzz and a little distraction from the sucking noise the Cubs make wherever they go. Then there's the whole Marlon Byrd Experience, which is just awesome.

So just when I was starting to feel somewhat positive about this team again, the Cubs had to go and cock it up by signing Bob Howry. Yeah, that Bob Howry. Bob Howry who was so terrible a fan ran on to the field to confront him. The Bob Howry currently sporting an ERA of 10.67 with a 1.67 WHIP in 14.1 innings pitched this year. Bob Howry who was just released by the Diamondbacks, the same Diamondbacks who have one reliever with an ERA under 4.00. That reliever? Aaron Heilman. So it's come to this. Picking up the refuse of a team whose best reliever is Aaron fucking Heilman. Gah.

Okay, so maybe using the word grift is going a little overboard. I just thought it sounded catchy. I'm not here to make any decisions for you. What I would like to do is attempt to paint a picture from my perspective about what a Chicago Cubs game is like from the Wrigley Rooftops.

Actually, this is what I was going to do, but after I wrote it and reread it, it was really fucking boring and in no way shape or form did it come close to representing the amount of fun I had on that Saturday. I felt as if I was doing my friends and I a great injustice making it seem as if we were extremely dull people. Truth is we had an endless day of excitement that included stolen sunglasses, bathroom fighting, and beating up members of a bachelorette party. Notice how I said 'members.'

Short answer about the rooftops:

I wasn't impressed. The all you can drink/eat aspect was great and the food was tasty, but the staff were assholes. Someone among our group spilled a beer and the owner/manager acted as if it was the first time he had ever seen someone spill a beer. I thought he was going to kick all 250 people out. (Capacity is for 200). Also, there are only about 70 seats, which means 130 people are left standing in a somewhat cramped environment with not a great view of the game. Granted the Cubs were playing the Pirates, so it wasn't the most entertaining game of the year.

$140 was the total cost for the experience. Honestly, if you are with a large group of people and your goal for the day is to get shitbombed, then yes I would recommend this approach. You can drink a lot of beer in the few hours you are there. Actually, if I were to do it over again, I would drink a lot faster. I definitely was one of the more sober of the bachelor party, which proved to being annoying later on in the afternoon.

Back to the party:

The stolen sunglasses/bathroom fighting stories are pretty common. I mean, who hasn't gotten completely blasted and started a fight in the men's room at a pizza joint? That is rite of passage for becoming a man where I come from. And really, the incidents with the bachelorette babes were pretty harmless, resulting in a cut foot (band-aid required) for the bride to be and maybe a minor concussion for another girl that passed out while dancing with one of our boys. (She did get taken away in an ambulance, so I guess I'm not really sure how that one turned out.)


He paid the ladies the $20 the thing is worth, however, this did not seem to satisfy any of them. The drama continued on for about 20 minutes. I can't decide what was more annoying. The situation or that guy in the hat in the photo. Actually, upon review, I should have written this entire article about that stupid fucking guy in the picture. What a douche. I don't think I have ever seen a better representation of a virgin in my entire life. He looks like he suffers from chronic masturbation.

Anyway, back to the title of the article. Rooftops, yes or no?

Large party, all wanting to get drunk: yes
Small group, want to actually watch the game: emphatic no

The Blackhawks have tied the NHL record for most consecutive road wins, notching their seventh straight away win in the Shark Tank last night. Let me just say that watching the Hawks play the Sharks is a lot more exciting than the Nashville or Vancouver series. Nothing against those teams, but the Sharks are a faster, more nimble bunch of players and the puck shifts from side to side at almost dizzying speeds. It's really fun to watch.

Andrew Ladd got the game rolling, scoring in the first with assists from Duncan Keith and Kris Versteeg. Dustin Byfuglien and the Captain, Johnny Toews, scored in the 2nd. Patrick Kane had assists on both goals, with Toews also contributing to Big Buff's goal and Keith to Toews's. The Sharks would get on board in the second with Patrick Marleau scoring on a power play. Troy Brouwer scored in the 3rd period with assists from Niklas Hjalmarsson and Marian Hossa. Patrick Marleau would score his second goal in the third for the Sharks, but it wouldn't be enough to stop Chicago.

Antti Niemi was awesome once again, saving 25 of 27 shots. The Finn is LEGIT and others are finally taking notice. Check out the really cool playoff commercial here. It's nice to see Niemi start to get some respect. He really looks amazing.

Dustin Byfuglien is another Hawk starting to get some more attention. His goal last night was his sixth of the playoffs. More than just a goon, Big Buff can skate, hit, play defense, and score goals. He's been one of the Hawks' biggest weapons in the playoffs so far.

The series moves to Chicago Friday night. If you're not watching this team yet, why not?

Well, the failed experiment on the Northside is finally coming to a much needed end. No, the Cubs franchise isn't folding.

Carlos Zambrano is heading back to the starting rotation a day after Piniella told us all that Big Z was going to be moved to long relief. Assuming that Lou doesn't change his mind again, it looks like Gorzelanny will go to the pen and Sean Marshall will be the next guinea pig to take over the role of set-up man.

As happy as I am to have Z back as a starter, one sane move doesn't prove that Lou hasn't gone off his fucking meds. Here's a couple more things Lou can do to convince me that he's regained his sanity:

• Quit batting Lee and Ramirez 3rd and 4th until they show that they're capable of hitting consistently and move Byrd up in the order so this team has a chance of knocking in some base runners.

• For the love of God, stop pitching Grabow in anything resembling a close game! In 14.1 innings pitched this season, he's given up 13 earned runs. Using a calculator and my sketchy math abilities, this means he's given up a run 91% of the time.

I could bitch about this awful team all night, but I'm just happy that this colossal failure of an idea has finally run its course. It's good to have you back, Z!

After the game last night (Aramis!), I caught Lou Piniella's fumbling press conference regarding Carlos Zambrano. My hope was that the team had finally come to its senses and was preparing to move El Toro Loco back into the rotation. Of course I was wrong. The Cubs will instead stretch Zambrano out so he can serve in long relief. Anyone know where I can find some good rope? I'm looking to make a noose. I haven't decided whether it's for me or for Piniella.

Apparently, the Cubs are completely unable to admit that moving Zambrano to the bullpen was a bad idea to begin with. Lou has lost his mind and Hendry his by allowing this move to take place. The only other teams I can think of that moved starters to the bullpen this year are Milwaukee (Suppan, who's fucking terrible) and Boston (Wakefield, because of a legitimately crowded rotation). But that's really beside the point. There's no other team in baseball that would be stupid enough to move Zambrano to the 'pen, if they had him. Not to close, not to set-up, and for goddamn sure, not for long relief.

What really concerns me is that by continually messing with Zambrano's routine, they increase the chance that he'll sustain an injury and fuck up his arm. But hell, maybe that's what Hendry wants at this point. Maybe he knows Zambrano won't waive his no-trade clause unless he becomes worried that his career might be in jeopardy if he stays in Chicago. Big Z's already played along with this nonsense for nearly a month, despite looking really uncomfortable coming in from the bullpen. Maybe Hendry is hoping this will finally push him over the edge into demanding a trade. And I wouldn't blame the guy for wanting to leave.

Look, Zambrano is a starter. In a good year, maybe he wins you 18 games. In a bad year, he's Livan Hernandez with more K's. I'll take either one from the big guy and so would any other major league team. Except for the Cubs, who are apparently run by the mentally challenged. Tom Ricketts should get rid of Hendry and Piniella before they do any further damage to this team or to Carlos Zambrano. Let Trammell run the team, bring up Ryno, or hire Fredi Gonzalez when the Marlins fire him for rightfully benching Hanley Ramirez. But stop fucking around with the guy who should be at the forefront of your rotation and is the longest-tenured Cub to boot. Fix the problem now before that relationship is damaged forever.

Goddammit so much.

The Blackhawks continued their strong road play, defeating the San Jose Sharks 2-1 Sunday afternoon in the first game of Round 3 of the playoffs. There's still a lot of series left to play, but it really looks as if Antti Niemi has rounded into a premier NHL goalie over the course of these playoffs. He's been much better about controlling his rebounds, and while he still makes some mistakes due to inexperience, he's more than made up for it with some amazing stops. In all, Niemi saved 44 of 45 shots, often in spectacular fashion. Jason Demers was able to knock one in against Niemi on a weird redirect off of Duncan Keith. Still, if Niemi remains legit, the Hawks' drought might just be over.

But I won't skeet all over myself just yet. The Sharks are a tough competitive team, very evenly matched with the Blackhawks. Their goalkeeper, Evgeni Nabakov (cool name, bro), is one of the best. He's not going to get rattled by the mind games the Hawks threw Roberto Luongo's way. He saved 38 of 40 shots, giving up a sniper shot to Patrick Sharp in the second, and Dustin Byfuglien, another Hawk who's made a name for himself in the playoffs, pushed in the game winner thirteen minutes into the third.

After Big Buff scored, it was all Antti Niemi. Even a last minute San Jose powerplay couldn't stop the young Finn from preserving the lead. Great game and a great start to Round 3.

With the Cubs in the shitter, maybe now would be a good time to announce Thunderfist 2010.  To those unfamiliar with Thunderfist, the whole thing originated back in 2008 during the salad days of TMS.  Basically it's a multiday event where a good number of the bloggers here meet up in Chicago for a Cubs game and various other bouts of tomfoolery and assgrabbery.  So who all is attending Thunderfist you ask?  Oh, you didn't ask?  Well I'm telling you anyway shithead.

Including myself, appearances will be made by T.R., Chaim Witz, White Chili, Goreo, Wolter, John, Surplus Ben, and maybe some other less than savory characters.

Here's a look at a rough agenda for Thunderfist.

FRIDAY

9:00am - Thunderfist 5K.  As of right now only T.R., White Chili and myself are committed to running this event.  Chaim may run but that remains to be seen.  The route starts on the river near Wacker and Michigan Ave and goes east the lake and then south along the lakefront before turning around and coming back to the starting point.

12:00pm - Half Gallon Milk Chug - CANCELED.  White Chili has forfeited and thus I win by default.  That is unless someone else comes forth to challenge me.


1:20pm - Cubs vs. Pirates.  We have decided to take in this game at the humble little watering hole known as Wrigleyville North.  Anyone wanting to join us is most welcome to come and have some beers as we blah out the memory of what surely will be yet another disappointing Cubs loss.

Aftergame - Once the game is over the plan is to adjourn further north up to the Hop Leaf to grab some grub and drink some kick ass beers.

After that who knows what will happen....

SATURDAY

If Friday seems a little subdued, it's because we're pacing ourselves for the drunken debacle that is surely to follow on Saturday.

9:00am - Meet up at Wrigley to get tickets at will call and go wait in line for the bleacher gates to open.  NOTE: As of right now I still have two tickets available.  I'm probably just going to sell them on the street so if someone wants them let us know and we can arrange something.

12:05pm - Cubs vs. Pirates.  Paul Maholm vs. Ryan Dempster.  Let's go CUM DUMP!

Aftergame - Immediately following the game we will adjourn to the Gingerman Tavern, the official Wrigleyville bar of EOC.  Again, anyone is invited to come meet up with us.  The first person to show up and yell "WHAT'S AN ENCHILADA?" will get a beer* on me.

From there we will go wherever the day/night takes us.....

You will be able to follow the latest happenings during Thunderfist via the EOC Twitter at http://twitter.com/exileonclark.  I will be giving various updates throughout the two days and will post our location whenever it changes.  Oh yeah, I guess I should mention, EOC is on Twitter if you didn't know already.

*beer may be substituted with a shot of Malort without notice.

After taking Friday's game in Vancouver and then losing to the Canucks in Chicago on Sunday (no recaps on EoC due to illness, sorry), the Blackhawks returned to the Land of the Great White North intent on crushing Vancouver's Stanley Cup dreams for the second year in a row. Behind some brilliant goal-tending by rookie Finn Antti Niemi and some timely offense, the Chicago squad did just that.

The first period was scoreless for both teams as Niemi and Canuck goaltender Roberto Luongo were both outstanding. The Hawks broke through in the 2nd period and once they scored, they took command of the game. Troy Brouwer scored the first goal, followed 36 seconds later by Kris Versteeg. Davey Bolland would score a late period short-handed goal that really took the wind out of Vancouver's sails.

Despite notching their first tally 3:44 into the third period, the Canucks never seemed to get it going and perhaps sensing blood, the Blackhawks would score twice more in the final frame with Patrick Kane and Dustin Byfuglien scoring goals within 25 seconds of one another. A great finish to a tough series. Only the San Jose Sharks stand in the way of the Blackhawks reaching the Stanley Cup finals.

In a shocking turn of events, Milton Bradley has shifted the blame of his poor play from the unsuspecting City of Chicago, Illinois and placed it squarely on his own shoulders. You can check out more of the details about the story and what Seattle G.M. Jack Zduriencik had to say at this link:

In a futile attempt to revive a short-lived feature I started back at TMS long ago, I bring you the Gracies and Neifis, 2010 Edition. Basically it's a "Who's hot and Who's not" in the world of baseball over the past week. I think I made it to week nine last time I tried this before giving up. This time I'm determined to at least get to week ten before I more than likely give up.

Week Five (5/3 - 5/9)

THE GRACIES - The cream of the crop this past week

CATCHER: Yadier Molina (STL) - Molina hit .500 last week (11/22) to improve his average to .301.  Great, the guy can hit now too?

FIRST BASE: Joey Votto (CIN) - Votto went 10/24 with 3 home runs and 7 RBI.  Most of those runs I'd rather not remember.

SECOND BASE: Rickie Weeks (MIL) - Just when it looks like Weeks is settling down into his familiar batting average in the .240s he goes on another tear.  7/14 over the weekend against Arizona.  Is it safe to say the Diamondbacks aren't very good?

THIRD BASE: Adrian Beltre (BOS) - 9 RBI from Beltre this week.  Did someone conjure up the ghost of 2004 Adrian?  Probably not.

SHORTSTOP: Elvis Andrus (TEX) - What do you mean it's not Starlin Castro?!  Andrus hit .381 in his last 6 games and stole 5 bases in that same span.  Elvis is also sporting a stout .416 OBP.  Yeah, I like Theriot too, but THIS GUY is what a leadoff hitter really looks like.

OUTFIELD: Ryan Braun (MIL), Jayson Werth (PHI), Alex Rios (CHW) - Big numbers for all three of these guys.  Braun scored 12 runs and hit .407 while swiping 2 bases.  Jayson Werth hit 4 home runs and drove in 9.  He also built 2 log cabins and ate 133 sausage links.  Alex Rios hit .464 and currently has an 11 game hitting streak going.  Unfortunately no one else on the White Sox is capable of hitting, except the powerful Ebony and Ivory duo of Andruw Jones and Paul Konerko.

STARTING PITCHER: Jamie Moyer (PHI) - Yeah yeah, Jake Peavy had two great starts but Moyer's complete game 2 hit shutout has to be recognized.  Also needing recognition, the Atlanta Braves piss poor offense that got shutout by 47 year old Jamie Moyer.

RELIEF PITCHER: Neftali Feliz (TEX) - Four saves this week for Feliz.  What?  Frank Francisco is back?  Oh, hey there Frank....um.  You wanna pitch the 7th inning for me?  Actually just hold that thought. We may be able to stretch the starter another inning.


THE NEIFIS - Desperately in need of a Slumpbuster

CATCHER: Wilson Ramos (MIN) - 4/22 last week.  Joe Mauer's foot can't heal fast enough.

FIRST BASE: Carlos Pena (TB) - 1 measley hit in 24 at bats.  He's now hitting .183 this season.  His strikeout average is .312 however.  Too bad that's not a fantasy stat, huh?

SECOND BASE: Adam Rosales (OAK) - Who the hell is Adam Rosales?  Beats the shit out me.  Then again who the hell are half the dudes on Oakland's roster?  Rosales was 3/24 which isn't as bad as Aki Iwamura's 1/18 week but Aki did get 3 runs, so.... yeah.  I guess they both suck.


THIRD BASE: Jose Lopez (SEA) - How bad is the Seattle offense?  Lopez and teammate Chone Figgins combined for 6 hits in 45 at bats last week. For those scoring at home that's a .062 AVG.  Neither generated any runs either.  No wonder Griffey would rather sleep in the clubhouse.

SHORTSTOP: Brendan Ryan (STL) - The shortstop honor will now be unofficially dubbed the "Ronny Cedeno Award in Offensive Futility".  This week's winner of the Ronny Award is Brendan Ryan who hit .150 in 20 at bats.  Too bad every other cocksucker on the Cardinals is hitting over .300.

OUTFIELD: Adam Jones (BAL), Melky Cabrera (ATL), Ken Griffey Jr. (ASLEEP) - Adam "Don't call me Pacman!" Jones went 4/23 and lost his leadoff spot to the awesome hitting powers of Cesar Izturis and Julio Lugo.  Melky Cabrera hit .105 and kept on living life as Melky Cabrera.  Ken Griffey Jr. is too busy sleeping to get basehits.

STARTING PITCHER: Max Scherzer (DET) - When giving up 5 runs in 5 innings and taking a loss is actually an improvement over your previous start, things are not looking good.

RELIEF PITCHER: Bobby Jenks (CHW) - Jenks hasn't pitched all that well this season and yesterday's zero-out, four run, blown save outing may finally have signaled the end of his days as closer.  How he managed so many years to be an effective closer defies science and reason.