Every month, the Exile on Clark staff will boldly and awkwardly attempt to prognosticate the on-field performance of the 2010 Chicago Cubs. This is the continuation of that effort.

Damn. I knew it was going to be a bad April. Really, I even knew how bad. But I still couldn't predict anything in a way that didn't make me look like a moron. Ah, well. It's why we started this series - because I suck at predicting. There were some decent predictions, such as:

Uhhhhhhh ...

Turns out that we were wrong. On everything. Such as my assertion that Soriano would bat below .250 and bitch about the fans. Not only did he hit early in the season for the first time since wearing a different uniform, but he was quoted in a story on booing as pro-booing. That son of a bitch. Now I can't even boo him. He gets off on that shit.

I then predicted that Theriot would suck at leadoff - he ended april at .337. Still has a stupid jerk face though. And while I did manage to make fun of Carlos Silva's weight, I didn't manage to predict his weird little resurgence.

Not that the other guys did any better. Jake predicted that the reverse-coldblooded Fukudome would finish April over .500. Weird to predict a guy's dominance, see him hit .344, and be way off on your overconfidence. T.R. was thinking the Hoff would be gone by now to another team - but instead, he's still doing the Charlie Brown walk over in Iowa. Predictions were boldly made, and every one of them was wrong. But if things didn't go wrong constantly, this would't be a Cubs blog. Without further ado, your prediction rundown.

April Record

John: 0-3 (.000)
T.R.: 0-2 (.000)
Steve: 0-1 (.000)
Jake: 0-1 (.000)

Year to Date

Same. Jerk.



We're not this bad, but we're pretty bad.

May's Bold Predictions

As the days get warmer, so do the Cubs bats, namely Aramis. As the offense starts producing runs with regularity the rotation continues to put out quality innings. The shaky bullpen finally calms down and is able to hold leads late in games with ease, although this will not be entirely due to Z's presence as he'll have a couple rough outings that balance out some absolute gems. All in all May will be a great month for the Cubs.

My prediction. Following their May 31 game at Pittsburgh, the Cubs will have a record of 30-22 and this rough patch in the middle of April will have mostly forgotten.

- Jake

Carlos Zambrano ends up back in the rotation and gets his first win as a starter.

- John

Aramis and Derrek both recover from their slumps. Theriot regresses a bit. The Cubs trade Tom Gorzellany and Kosuke to the Nationals for players that suck, but fit into Hendry's "plan" for the Cubs and eliminate our OF and rotation logjam.

- Goreo (ed. note: This totally counts as 4)

Derrek Lee raises his average above .260. Or Aramis. Dear god, one of you ... please?!?

- John

Castro's car will be towed from the player's lot because security thought someone accidentally snuck their mint-condition 1973 VW bus in.

- Steve (ed. note: verification of this prediction may be difficult)

So we'll see how that turns out. Can't be much worse than last month.