In a futile attempt to revive a short-lived feature I started back at TMS long ago, I bring you the Gracies and Neifis, 2010 Edition. Basically it's a "Who's hot and Who's not" in the world of baseball over the past week. I think I made it to week nine last time I tried this before giving up. This time I'm determined to at least get to week ten before I more than likely give up.

Week Five (5/3 - 5/9)

THE GRACIES - The cream of the crop this past week

CATCHER: Yadier Molina (STL) - Molina hit .500 last week (11/22) to improve his average to .301.  Great, the guy can hit now too?

FIRST BASE: Joey Votto (CIN) - Votto went 10/24 with 3 home runs and 7 RBI.  Most of those runs I'd rather not remember.

SECOND BASE: Rickie Weeks (MIL) - Just when it looks like Weeks is settling down into his familiar batting average in the .240s he goes on another tear.  7/14 over the weekend against Arizona.  Is it safe to say the Diamondbacks aren't very good?

THIRD BASE: Adrian Beltre (BOS) - 9 RBI from Beltre this week.  Did someone conjure up the ghost of 2004 Adrian?  Probably not.

SHORTSTOP: Elvis Andrus (TEX) - What do you mean it's not Starlin Castro?!  Andrus hit .381 in his last 6 games and stole 5 bases in that same span.  Elvis is also sporting a stout .416 OBP.  Yeah, I like Theriot too, but THIS GUY is what a leadoff hitter really looks like.

OUTFIELD: Ryan Braun (MIL), Jayson Werth (PHI), Alex Rios (CHW) - Big numbers for all three of these guys.  Braun scored 12 runs and hit .407 while swiping 2 bases.  Jayson Werth hit 4 home runs and drove in 9.  He also built 2 log cabins and ate 133 sausage links.  Alex Rios hit .464 and currently has an 11 game hitting streak going.  Unfortunately no one else on the White Sox is capable of hitting, except the powerful Ebony and Ivory duo of Andruw Jones and Paul Konerko.

STARTING PITCHER: Jamie Moyer (PHI) - Yeah yeah, Jake Peavy had two great starts but Moyer's complete game 2 hit shutout has to be recognized.  Also needing recognition, the Atlanta Braves piss poor offense that got shutout by 47 year old Jamie Moyer.

RELIEF PITCHER: Neftali Feliz (TEX) - Four saves this week for Feliz.  What?  Frank Francisco is back?  Oh, hey there Frank....um.  You wanna pitch the 7th inning for me?  Actually just hold that thought. We may be able to stretch the starter another inning.


THE NEIFIS - Desperately in need of a Slumpbuster

CATCHER: Wilson Ramos (MIN) - 4/22 last week.  Joe Mauer's foot can't heal fast enough.

FIRST BASE: Carlos Pena (TB) - 1 measley hit in 24 at bats.  He's now hitting .183 this season.  His strikeout average is .312 however.  Too bad that's not a fantasy stat, huh?

SECOND BASE: Adam Rosales (OAK) - Who the hell is Adam Rosales?  Beats the shit out me.  Then again who the hell are half the dudes on Oakland's roster?  Rosales was 3/24 which isn't as bad as Aki Iwamura's 1/18 week but Aki did get 3 runs, so.... yeah.  I guess they both suck.


THIRD BASE: Jose Lopez (SEA) - How bad is the Seattle offense?  Lopez and teammate Chone Figgins combined for 6 hits in 45 at bats last week. For those scoring at home that's a .062 AVG.  Neither generated any runs either.  No wonder Griffey would rather sleep in the clubhouse.

SHORTSTOP: Brendan Ryan (STL) - The shortstop honor will now be unofficially dubbed the "Ronny Cedeno Award in Offensive Futility".  This week's winner of the Ronny Award is Brendan Ryan who hit .150 in 20 at bats.  Too bad every other cocksucker on the Cardinals is hitting over .300.

OUTFIELD: Adam Jones (BAL), Melky Cabrera (ATL), Ken Griffey Jr. (ASLEEP) - Adam "Don't call me Pacman!" Jones went 4/23 and lost his leadoff spot to the awesome hitting powers of Cesar Izturis and Julio Lugo.  Melky Cabrera hit .105 and kept on living life as Melky Cabrera.  Ken Griffey Jr. is too busy sleeping to get basehits.

STARTING PITCHER: Max Scherzer (DET) - When giving up 5 runs in 5 innings and taking a loss is actually an improvement over your previous start, things are not looking good.

RELIEF PITCHER: Bobby Jenks (CHW) - Jenks hasn't pitched all that well this season and yesterday's zero-out, four run, blown save outing may finally have signaled the end of his days as closer.  How he managed so many years to be an effective closer defies science and reason.