Back in college, I was an unemployed slacker who stayed up late, got very drunk, and watched sitcom reruns. Since nothing has really changed, I've realized that it's finally time to share with the world my magnum opus, The Full House Drinking Game.

Created over the course of a month of binge drinking while watching Nick@Night c.2005, the Full House drinking game is easily the most coherent & well thought-out project to emerge from my college years.

Why Full House? Because it's so very stupid. Because it's beyond sappy. Because it's completely predictable at every turn. Because the stock characters are so bland that even the most sheltered loser could never possibly relate to them without the mind numbing effects of alcohol. And because we've all watched more episodes of this show than we'd ever willingly admit.


HOW TO PLAY

Unlike most drinking games that merely require a shot or swig for all participants as the preordained criteria are met, the Full House drinking game contains an element of chance. There are 3 "cards" that need to be printed & handed out before the start of the game. Each player (or team if you have a large group) gets one card. Each card contains at least 3 different catch phrases and an assortment of drinking cues. While most are straightforward, some concepts can be vague, (an example: "Joey’s feelings are hurt because nobody takes him seriously as an adult.") so use your best judgment to determine when the drinking criteria has been met. Although unlikely, it's possible that one card might be useless during an episode while another one might get you completely shitfaced in the same 30 minutes. I've tried my best to balance the cards so that they don't favor any particular point in the series.

It's easy to play. The only thing you need are:

• episodes of Full House (preferably 3 episodes from different stages in
the show's history; start DVR-ing ABC Family or get discs from different seasons off Netflix)
• booze
• friends (optional)
• shot glasses. (I guess you could use beer...if you're a pussy.)

Ideally, 3 people would watch 3 episodes, switching "cards" after each episode. When a catchphrase or an event listed on your card occurs, take the prescribed number of drinks. Unless otherwise noted, all cues call for one drink. Exceedingly rare events sometimes call for 2 drinks, and things that (I think) only happen once in the series call for 3. I wouldn't be offended if people stuck to one shot per cue, but please, make a gentleman's agreement before the game begins. Nobody likes the whiny bitch trying to talk his way out of doing extra drinks.

Since posting pdf. files to the blog is beyond my inebriated capabilities, I have posted the 3 cue cards in jpg format below. Printing them out in a readable format is your problem now.

PLEASE NOTE: Exile on Clark Street and I accept no liability for anything awful that happens to those bold enough to play the Full House drinking game, so don't drink yourself to death, operate heavy machinery, or do any other stupid shit while playing or shortly after playing this game. Besides, everyone on earth would laugh at you if you died/got arrested because of drinking while watching Full House.