Breaking news this morning out of Chicago. In the wake of the 11-1 beating the Northsiders took yesterday comes the news that another roster shakeup is imminent. EoC has learned that struggling slugger Aramis Ramirez will be shifted to the bullpen and Carlos Zambrano will now man the hot corner for the foreseeable future. Neither Zambrano or Ramirez could be reached for comment.

"Temporary? No, I wouldn't describe the move as temporary," aging Cubs skipper Lou Pinella said in his Friday morning press conference. "Look, Ramirez is struggling. There's no doubt about that. The coaches and I feel like he'd benefit from having fewer at bats in order to rebuild his confidence. Look, Ramirez has always had a heckuva an arm. Heckuva an arm. I mean, look at that throw he made to Derrek Lee yesterday, the one that pulled him off the bag. How'd you like to see that coming at you as a hitter? We feel that Rami can keep opposing hitters honest and would really thrive setting up for Carlos Marmol."

When asked about Zambrano's transistion to third, Lou stated, "Well this young man here is just a superior athlete, no question. Look, Carlos has always played a little short for us during practice and we know he has the arm to play third. Let me tell you, it'll be nice to have a switch hitting third baseman. We like the pop in his bat and we're confident he can make a strong, accurate throw to first base. Listen, listen, listen, I've talked with both of these young men and they're willing to do whatever it takes to help this team win some ballgames."

Things did get testy when a reporter questioned the benefit of the move. "What kind of baseball do you play?" Pinella snapped. "The kind of baseball I play, you put the players where they can do the most good. The fact is Ramirez is struggling, but he's got a great arm and Zambrano can't set games up if we haven't got a lead and he's out-outhitting Aramis right now. You've simply got to go with the hot hand. If you knew anything about baseball, you'd know that."


General manager Jim Hendry supported Pinella 100%. "Well, it's Lou's club to run and he's got to make the decisions about playing time," the GM told reporters, chomping on a cruller. Hendry went on to say that it was up to Pinella on how best to utilize each player and that he had full confidence in Pinella's ability to do just that.

In other news, wealthy local businessman Tom Ricketts had to be coaxed down off of a ledge in downtown Chicago today. Chicago police took the distraught billionaire into protective custody. Mr. Ricketts was heard to mutter, "Why oh why did I ever get into this?" as he was led away.