Word around the Internets is that an NL pitcher is on the verge of being suspended by Major League Baseball for a PED violation. No clue yet as to if it is a starting pitcher or a reliever, but if the above link is to be believed, it is a "semi-big" name as opposed to a "huge" name.

The offender could not possibly be a Cubs pitcher, for several obvious reasons:

1. We do not have a pitcher that could be classified as "semi-big". Jim Hendry has sought to complement our offense with only pitchers that fall into the "serviceable" and "overhyped" categories. (See: Samardzija, Jeff)

2. There is no way it could be a Cubs reliever. To have broken league rules and used an illegal PED, it would logically be concluded that said pitcher improved their performance. There is no Cubs reliever that has thus far improved, much less proven anything except for the ability to emotionally and physically combust on the mound.

3. Cubs players and management are never "looking for that extra edge". They prefer to wallow in mediocrity and make excuses, thank you very much.

The truth will come out soon enough, and we will laugh at and mock the culprit. Here's to hoping it's a member of the Cardinals.

UPDATE: Turns out it was Edinson Volquez. Could it have been less relevant? Like Mark Prior taking beef roids?