In a futile attempt to revive a short-lived feature I started back at TMS long ago, I bring you the Gracies and Neifis, 2010 Edition. Basically it's a "Who's hot and Who's not" in the world of baseball over the past week. I think I made it to week nine last time I tried this before giving up. This time I'm determined to at least get to week ten before I more than likely give up.

Week Two (4/12 - 4/18)

THE GRACIES - The cream of the crop this past week

CATCHER: Ivan Rodriguez (WAS) - He may not hit for power any more, but the 38 year old first ballot HOF shoo-in can still hit the ball with authority. Pudge went 10/21 this past week with 7 runs and 7 RBI and even swiped a base.

FIRST BASE: Carlos Pena (TB) - Pena had 3 homers and 9 RBI as he punished Baltimore and Boston. He also hit .292 in that span which is like batting .500 for Carlos Pena.

SECOND BASE: Chase Utley (PHI) - Five home runs in the span of 4 games. Utley could be a Triple Crown contender if he played the Nationals all the time.

THIRD BASE: Ty Wigginton (BAL) - I know he's playing 2B more than 3B for the Orioles, but I could not ignore Wigginton this week. The journeyman infielder went off this week, hitting 4 home runs and knocking in 10 runs. Too bad Baltimore only won one game during this stretch.

SHORTSTOP: Derek Jeter (NYY) - You're allowed to hate the guy, but you can't deny that he's a ridiculously good hitter. Jeter went 11/22 against the Angels and Rangers. That's a .500 AVG for you folks not sharp with the math. Add three home runs to the mix and you've got Yankee fans skeeting all over the place.

OUTFIELD: Shin-Soo Choo (CLE), Matt Kemp (LAD), Jose Guillen (KC) - .579/3/11 for Choo. If he keeps that up he's for sure the top choice to be Cleveland's lone All-Star representative. Matt Kemp with four homers AND he dates Rihanna. Jose Guillen? We thought you were dead! Lo and behold you're just in baseball purgatory hitting like a god.

STARTING PITCHER: Ubaldo Jimenez (COL) - The UBallz has landed! Colorado fans and astute folks in the fantasy baseball world knew of Ubaldo Jimenez, but beyond that he was still in relative obscurity. One no-hitter later and UBallz-mania has taken Denver, nay America by storm. I also heard that Atlanta fans were booing once Jimenez made the final out to get his first no-no as well as the first in Rockies franchise history. Braves fans, keeping it classy as always!

I was going to pick another SP too, but felt UBallz should get the spotlight to himself this week. Besides, I don't want to acknowledge Adam Wainwright's awesome pitching skills anyway. That son of a bitch.

RELIEF PITCHER: Fernando Rodney (LAA) - 3 saves converted while filling in for the injured Brian Fuentes. That's great Fernando. Your reward for such great work is going back to the setup role when Fuentes comes back here shortly.


THE NEIFIS - Desperately in need of a Slumpbuster

CATCHER: Matt Wieters (BAL) - 3/23 over the past week. I smell breakout season!

FIRST BASE: Jeff Clement (PIT) - 0/15 week puts Clement's AVG at a scorching .103. Pittsburgh management's attempts to clone another LaRoche brother from sewer rat DNA have been unsuccessful.

SECOND BASE: Kaz Matsui (HOU) - 0/11 and has essentially lost his job to Jeff frickin' Keppinger. Time to commit seppuku.

THIRD BASE: Jhonny Peralta (CLE) - 1/17 week drops his AVG to .135. Mockery of how his name is spelled increases tenfold.

SHORTSTOP: Jason Bartlett (TB) - 2/23 puts Bartlett's AVG dangerously close to dropping below the Mendoza Line. It's like the kids say. You can't spell Jason Bartlett without "fluke statistical anomaly season". Or something like that.

OUTFIELD: Chris Coghlan (FLA), Carlos Lee (HOU), J.D. Drew (BOS) - The reigning NL ROY has been hitless in his last 19 at bats. Carlos Lee's bat has been dormant for so long now that fans have just assumed he's been on the DL all season thus far. J.D. Drew. Your failures are what keep me going in the morning.

STARTING PITCHER: Gavin Floyd (CHW) - After a not so hot start last Tuesday in Toronto, Floyd amped up the crappiness to 11 by giving up 7 runs on 6 hits and 4 walks to Cleveland yesterday. Floyd failed to get anyone out before being yanked in the second inning. Congratulations Gavin on overshadowing Handsome Aaron Harang's "pooped the bed" performance.

RELIEF PITCHER: Chad Qualls AND Juan Gutierrez (ARI) - Just remember kids, if you're feeling a bit down about Marmol's blown save yesterday, at least the Cubs don't have the Diamondbacks bullpen right now. After blowing back to back saves on Wednesday and Thursday, Chad Qualls was relieved of closing duties in favor of Juan Gutierrez....who proceeded to stink up the joint even more the following day. I'm waiting for them to resort to letting Bob Howry or Aaron Heilman close games. If there really is a God, this needs to happen.


Who's the Ultimate Gracie this Week?


Who's the Ultimate Neifi this Week?