It was reported today that John was happy that there were going to be less douchebags at the Cubs games this year. Sorry to disappoint John, I know you didn't get a chance to make it out for Spring Training this year, but if you had you might not have been as quick to make that statement. I give you Exhibit A, taken from the tailgate at last Saturday's Cubs vs. Sox game at Hohokam Park. I'll give you some time to let it soak in (click the picture for an even better view).

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Hopefully you didn't just punch your screen in immediate disgust. I'm sorry to inform you that this picture is in no way photoshopped, this is an actual photo taken by me on my camera phone of our neighbors during tailgating. Yeah, we had to put up with this for 3 hours!

Look at these guys. Just look! How many points of douchebaggery do you think we can point out on just one of these douchebags? Let's see.

• FLOATIES!
• Shirtless, just like a Sox or Cardinals fan.
• Pre-torn jeans.
• FLOATIES!
• Wearing a "hipster" Cubs stocking cap even though it's 75 degrees outside...and you're shirtless.
• FLOATIES!
• Not only one, but two gay tattoos. What is that on your back, the target for your boyfriend to shoot his load onto after he's done giving you the in-out?
• FLOATIES!

We get it dude, your Mother didn't love enough and your Dad insulted you when you wanted to go out for softball instead of baseball because, "you like to hit bigger balls with your stick...I mean bat."


Not only that, it looks like they are holding someone up for a regular keg stand in the photo, right? Nope, these guys figured out a way to make the keg stand even more douche-y. Notice how the keg is on a cart? Yeah, as the guy (or girl, who of course would later be raped after passing out) doing the keg stand is drinking, a Sox fan (notice these guys hang out with Sox fans) would push the cart back and forth, seeing how many "laps" the drinker could do. All while spectators laughed and took pictures documenting how fucking retarded these guys are.

I seriously don't think these guys even went into the game, as they were still there when we left to go inside and when we returned. Luckily we didn't stay around for much longer after the game to see if the douche show would continue as we headed to the casino down the road.

So I wish you were right, John, that there are going to be less douchebags at the Cubs games this year, but if Spring Training (a normally douchebag-free environment) is any indication, it looks like you are going to be in for a long season.

Go Cubs!