In a meager attempt to create a new weekly feature, I bring you the Friday Five. Each week the Exile staff will tackle various topics and come up with five things pertaining to it. The topics could be as pertinent as the Chicago Cubs to as completely offtrack as food or music.

This week's topic: Five things about the 2010 Cubs that make us die a little on the inside.

Wolter - I suppose what makes me die inside is Sam Fuld. Fuld is subject of much love from the more "faith-based" members of Cub fandom (the same people whose inexplicable loves of players like Augie Ojeda and Mike Fontenot have ensured a tradition of mediocrity in the organization), but that's not what makes me die inside. What makes me die inside is that someone who will no doubt never amount to more than a capable bench player, actually put up the third best [Warning: STATS AHEAD] EqA (.294) and eighth best VORP (6.4) on the 2009 team. Admittedly, a small sample size (and it's based more on how effing disappointing the 2009 Cubs were), but basically he's just good enough to be on the bench, and as an apparently UNTOUCHABLE commodity, will never be useful as trade bait for a genuinely awesome player. And the worst thing: I want to like him, as he was enough of a nerd to intern at Stats, Inc. Oh well, at least he's still cheap.

Goreo - What makes me die on the inside is that the Cubs have no starting caliber 2nd baseman. What they do have is Jeff Baker, who should be the utility guy, as he can play nearly every position on the field. He's Mark DeRosa without the stubble and groupies. The other in- house options are Andy White and his amazingly limp bat, and a couple of guys who should have a show on TLC called "The Little Cajun Couple". Fontenot proved last year that he's not an everyday player, and Theriot will have to man short once Starlin Castro flames out ala Corey Patterson/Hee Seop Choi/Felix Pie. What really pisses me off is that the Cardinals signed Felipe Lopez for peanuts and the Twins picked up Orlando Hudson, while Hendry signed Kevin Millar and Chad Tracy. Fuck, I'd have even taken Adam Kennedy. It would have been money better spent than Tracy and Millar.

Jake - The notion of Carlos Silva coming out of camp with a spot in the rotation makes me die a little inside. With Ted Lilly likely on the shelf for the first month of the season the Cubs rotation will have two openings up for grabs. Battling it out with Silva is Jeff Samardzija, Tom Gorzelanny, and Sean Marshall. I cringe at the thought of Silva doing just well enough in camp that he gets a spot over the others. Even if it's only a temporary spot until Lilly comes back, Carlos Silva as starting pitcher has "Destined to Fail" written all over it. He doesn't strike anyone out! Seriously, go look at the numbers. He averages less then one strikeout for every two innings pitched. There's no way you can be a successful MLB pitcher with that sort of track record, unless of course you're a knuckleballer. Last time I checked Silva wasn't. His "good" seasons with Minnesota were more a matter of luck with his defense than anything else. Get this guy out of my life.

Daft Funk - You know what seriously makes me depressed when I look at the Cubs? What happened last year in right field. Adam Dunn, Uncle Milton, Bobby Abreu and Raul Ibanez were available. Dunn practically begged to come to Chicago and probably wouldn't have cost as much as Bradley. Abreu was solid again and Ibanez was an MVP candidate before he got hurt. All could have fit into the #2 spot of the lineup. Their poor defense wouldn't have been as big a deal with Reed Johnson/Fukudome in center.So Hendry literally had a 75% chance of succeeding. And he still blew it. And now we have Marlon Byrd. Great.

T.R. - Every time I remember that Larry Rothschild is still our pitching coach, I die a little inside. Didn't Don Baylor bring him in? Then Dusty and Lou just looked at him, shrugged their shoulders, and allowed him to stay on? Can he not be blamed in part for Mark Prior's travails, along with Dusty? This is his ninth consecutive season as pitching coach. Our bullpen has been a mess since time immemorial. If Lou walks away after this season, we need to consider bringing in a pitching coach with a fresh perspective. Preferably that would be Greg Maddux, assuming he gets tired of playing golf every day.