In a meager attempt to create a new weekly feature, we bring you the Friday Five. Each week the Exile staff will tackle various topics and come up with five things pertaining to it. The topics could be as pertinent as the Chicago Cubs to as completely offtrack as food or music.

This week the responses were a little sparse. I would like to tell you that the Exiles were busy watching March Madness or still passed out drunk from St. Paddy's day, but then I would lying. And I would never lie to you. Except, you know, that time you asked why your Mom and I were covered in Vegemite...naked...in your bedroom...playing light-sabers...with massive dildos shaped like Obama. No, let's just say that discussions of which movie is better a sequel, "Gremlins 2" or "Teen Wolf, Too" and whether or not it's okay to get stoned and watch Yo Gabba Gabba with your 3 month old son is okay were more important. What's that, "Teen Wolf, Too" wasn't a sequel? How dare you disgrace the good name of Jason Bateman. He's not the one holding up production of the "Arrested Development" movie you know? No, that would super-fag, Michael Cera. Go make another queer rom-com where you play the dorky kid that gets the girl. Fa...

...Oh, yeah, the question. This week, the Cubs announced a partnership with Toyota to put a new lighted sign in the outfield bleachers and the fans went crazy. Actually they didn't, most of them agree that it's okay as long as the team gets more revenue. Then they went back to bitching about the cost of Cubs tickets and beer in Wrigley Field. Anyway, in the wake of more changes at Wrigley, here is this weeks question:

This week's topic: Five changes to Wrigley that you dislike.

Goreo - The Captain Morgan Club. I have nothing against Captain Morgan per se, since I drank enough of it from 1996-2001 that I probably paid for the stupid club, but the idea of having a bar attached to Wrigley and that people would choose to go to the bar rather than see the game inside the park is an odd concept for me. I haven't seen it in person, but I get the idea that the crowd would be thick with feminine hygiene product, if you get my drift.

Steve also chimed in on the CMC.

Steve - The fact that you can buy wine at the Captain Morgan Club. More so because the last time I took my Mom to a game, she had me get her a glass of white wine. That is one embarrassing walk back to your seat.

So the ladies like the Captain Morgan Club, and Goreo indirectly insulted Steve's mom. This is great humor, at least for me.

T.R. - I regret how the Cubs organization has destroyed the sanctity of the retired numbers on the foul poles. There was absolutely nothing wrong with honoring Banks and Williams. But now Maddux, Sandberg, Santo? This was the one defining element of Wrigley Field that I could be proud of. It was unlike every other ballpark, with their bloated circular decals of an exorbitant amount of retired and unworthy numbers in their respective organizations. The tradition has now been defiled at Clark and Addison. Who's next for the Cubs? Dawson? Grace? Theriot? C'mon! At least Grace didn't wear batting gloves, but still...

Actually, they were going to retire the Hawk's number if he got into the Hall as a Cub, alas, the foul pole will remain #8 free for now.

Ginger Russ - I hate how they stopped serving beer after the seventh inning. I mean, one stupid fan goes and takes an opposing players cap and I can't get a beer anymore. What's up with that? Granted, I couldn't even legally drink when they made the change, but I'm sure that if I could have I would have been outraged. And I do like that it forces all the douchebags out of the park and into the bars because they can't go a whole 2 innings without booze. Okay, so maybe that rule isn't so bad.

Well, 4 out of 5 ain't bad. Daft Funk did mention something about forgetting his ADD medication and hookers, but it was too extreme even for this website.

Thanks to the Exiles who contributed this week, especially Goreo and T.R. who actually took the question seriously. Have a topic for The Friday Five to tackle? Email it to us at exileonclark@gmail.com.