TEXAS RANGERS

2009: 87-75 (2nd)

So Long: P Joaquin Benoit, 3B Hank Blalock, OF Marlon Byrd, P Eddie Guardado, P Jason Jennings, OF AndrUw Jones, C Ivan Rodriguez, SS Omar Vizquel, P Kevin Millwood, hitting coach Rudy "Savior" Jaramillo
Welcome: 3B Matt Brown, OF Endy Chavez, DH Vladimir Guerrero, P Rich Harden, P Colby Lewis, P Darren Oliver, P Chris Ray, C Mr. Misty May-Treanor

Projected Starting Lineup (courtesy of rototimes.com)
1. Julio Borbon, CF
2. Michael Young, 3B
3. Ian Kinsler, 2B
4. Josh Hamilton, LF
5. Vladimir Guerrero, DH
6. Chris Davis, 1B
7. Nelson Cruz, RF
8. Jarrod Saltalamacchia, C

9. Elvis Andrus, SS

Rotation - Rich Harden, Scott Feldman, Brandon McCarthy, Tommy Hunter, Colby Lewis
Setup - C.J. Wilson, Neftali Feliz
Closer - Frank Francisco

Things are actually looking up for the Rangers in 2010. Their offense is rock solid, so long as Bad Vlad, Ian Kinsler, and Josh Hamilton stay healthy. Nelson Cruz is an absolute beast (Why did the Brewers trade this kid?) and Michael Young continues to be quietly consistent. This team is built to drive in and score a lot of runs, led by speedster Julio Borbon at the top of the lineup.

As it has in the past, pitching will make or break the Rangers. Harden and the Nippon League dominator Colby Lewis give the starting rotation some depth and the back end of the Ranger bullpen is solid with Frank "Oakland Sucks" Francisco closing and the underrated C.J. Wilson setting up. As with the offense, if they're able to keep these guys healthy, they should be able to compete with any one.

The Angels took a step back this offseason, I personally feel like the Mariners are a mirage and the A's remain in their perpetual rebuilding mode that occasionally delivers a winning season every five years or so. If the Rangers can play to their potential, they might just finally wrest control of the AL West from Anaheim. Maybe.

PRESEASON AWARDS

If this team were a disease/ailment it would be: -Elephantiasis. Like a disease victim's bloated ballsac, the Rangers look impressive on paper this year. Can they deliver on that promise or will the division once again belong to the Angels?

The "Waves of Emasculation " Award: Matt Treanor. Much like Casey Daigle, Matt Treanor wakes up every morning knowing that his wife is one of the top athletes in the world and that he is still a 4A player at best. On the plus side, he gets to bang Misty May. Cocksucker. Daigle and his wife, Jennie Finch, named their kid "Ace". Hopefully, the Treanors won't saddle any of their kids with names like "Backstop" or "Spike".

The "His Fatha's The District Attorney" Award: Vladimir Guerrero. Bad Vlad owns Texas. Period. The Rangers were smart to sign him, if only so he doesn't continue using Ranger pitching for batting practice. As their DH and occasional outfielder, Vlad has the potential to put up some big numbers now that he's calling Arlington home. Granted, he won't be able to feast on Ranger pitching anymore, but I still think he's gonna have a big year.

The "Say Hello to My Little Friend" Award: Manager Ron Washington. In the offseason, Washington revealed that he had tested positive for cocaine in 2009. I'm guessing he probably picked up the habit in 2008, when he had to deal with Milton Bradley. I didn't even coach the crazy bastard, but I felt like putting something up my nose every time I had to see that cocknugget in a Cub uniform. Kudos to Ron for choosing blow. I would have stuck a .38 up there instead and pulled the trigger until it went "click".