PITTSBURGH PIRATES
2009: 62-99 (6th)

So Long: P Matt Capps, P Jesse Chavez, P Phil Dumatrait

Welcome: P Brian Bass, P D.J. Carrasco, OF Ryan Church, SS Bobby Crosby, P Brendan Donnelly, P Octavio Dotel, 2B Akinori Iwamura, P Chris Jakubauskas

Projected Starting Lineup (courtesy of rototimes.com)
1. Andrew McCutchen, CF
2. Akinori Iwamura, 2B
3. Garrett Jones, 1B
4. Ryan Doumit, C
5. Lastings Milledge, LF
6. Ryan Church, RF
7. Andy LaRoche, 3B
8. Ronny Cedeno, SS

Rotation - Zach Duke, Paul Maholm, Ross Ohlendorf, Charlie Morton, Kevin Hart
Setup - Joel Hanrahan, Evan Meek
Closer - Octavio Dotel


Things are looking bleak for the 2010 Pirates. You have one pitcher in your starting rotation that finished last year with a record above .500 (Ross Ohlendorf and his stellar 11-10) and a closer that has 83 career saves in 11 seasons. The sad thing is, with the exception of Kevin Hart (so long, suck-ass), none of the other starters ERAs are that horrible. But mix 4-ish runs per game with a team that's offense finished dead-last in runs per game (3.95, but that includes the first-half of the season with decent talent), and you get a lot of losses.

As far as positives go, Andrew McCutchen is coming is coming off of a promising rookie season, batting just shy of .290 in 108 games. Unfortunately, what you have to worry about if you are a Pirates fan, is McCutchen continuing to do well. You see, the better this year, the more likely the Pirates are to get rid of him (and, as a group of Cubs fans that was on the receiving end of the Aramis Ramirez deal, the official stance of Exile on Clark is: GO McCUTCHEN!).

I really can't see the Pirates winning more than 65 games this year. Sure, they may start off quick and give everyone a little hope, but come June will crash faster than an aircraft carrying Roberto Clemente (too soon?). The best thing about the Pirates is the fact that they are in the Cubs division, which means FREE WINS!


PRESEASON AWARDS

If this team were a disease/ailment it would be: Autophobia, or the persistent fear of loneliness, of being alone, of solitude. Whether it be from the management (trading or releasing 13 players in 2009 that were there on opening day roster), or the fans (28th in attendance in MLB, ahead of only Florida (America's Wang Fish and Oakland (not popular since 1979), averaging 19,479 per game), there seems to be little love for the players on the Pirates. And it won't help when they find themselves alone again, at the bottom of the NL Central.

The Former Cub I'm Not Afraid Will Make Me Pissed At The Cubs For Getting Rid of Award: Ronny Cedeno. Despite this weird obsession Pittsburgh females over Cedeno, and Kevin Hart making a late run to steal the award, Cedeno prevailed in winning. Consider it a combination of a career .240 average, the 25 errors he committed in 2006 and that a majority of people felt he was the owner of the Mini Cooper found in the Cubs player's lot. That, my friends, is a recipe for disaster.

The 'Island of Dr. Moreau' Marlon Brando Award for Not Giving A Fuck: Ogden Nutting, owner. After the construction of their new park, this West Virginia?! publishing?!?!?! magnate?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (I imagine a William Randolph Hearst that dips and watches NASCAR) decided he no longer cared about performance but only about making money. That has to be a kick in the ass for the blue-collar crowd that would be willing to support a team if they saw management doing their part. I want to feel bad, but I was a fan of the Cubs throughout the 90s (though 17 consecutive losing seasons does take the cake, Encyclopedia Brown).