2009: 95-67 (2nd)
So Long: OF Brian Anderson, OF Rocco Baldelli, OF Jason Bay, P Paul Byrd, SS Alex Gonzalez, SS Nick Green, P Hunter Jones, 1B Casey Kotchman, P Javier Lopez, P Takashi Saito, P Billy Wagner, 2B Chris Woodward
Welcome: 3B Adrian Beltre, P Boof Bonser, OF Mike Cameron, OF Bill Hall, OF Jeremy Hermida, P John Lackey, SS Marco Scutaro, P Brian Shouse
Projected Starting Lineup (courtesy of rototimes.com)
1. Jacoby Ellsbury, LF
2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
3. Victor Martinez, C
4. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
5. David Ortiz, DH
6. J.D. Drew, RF
7. Adrian Beltre, 3B
8. Mike Cameron, CF
9. Marco Scutaro, SS
Rotation - Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, John Lackey, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Clay Buchholz
Setup - Hideki Okajima, Daniel Bard
Closer - Jonathan Papelbon
Boston. The land of milk and honey. Where the buffalo roam. Birthplace of aviation. The "Show Me" State. What can be said about Boston? A couple years back they were the team that America loved, the underdog, the East Coast Cubs. A bloody sock and a crappy movie starring Jimmy Fallon and a still fuckable Drew Barrymore later and now everyone hates them more than 3 year olds hate Milton Bradley's kid.
According to Chris Bahr of SportingNews.com, there are three important questions that face the Bo Sox this season, which I will answer in the form of Jeopardy answers.
1) Do they have enough offense? A: Who are Pedroia, Martinez, Youkilis, and Ortiz?
2) Who will be left out of the rotation? A: Can the Cubs have some of your pitchers?
C) Will Big Papi homer before June? A: Is Sammy Sosa white?
The Sox will again compete with the Yankees for the AL East's top spot this year. Just like last year and the year before that and the year before that. Wait didn't the Rays go to the Series one of those year? How quickly we forget the underdog. Can the Canucks or the non-Christian related Rays give them a scare this year? Sure, but either of those teams pushing Boston out of a wild card or division win is about as likely as another "Burning Cubs Question" post. In all seriousness though folks, we all know the Bo Sox can't win without this guy:
Am I right?
If this team were a disease/ailment it would be: Middle Child Syndrome, or as we call it - Inferior Sox Anxiety Disorder. Yep, it seems that whether you're White or Red, either way you are playing second fiddle to a better team just North of your own. Combine that with the Box Sox always having to worry about a little brother in the form of the Rays or Jays beating them, you got a team with a serious emotional disorder. Sorry Boston, at least you have those great baked beans.
The Boston Rob from Survivor Award: Honestly, I didn't even know this show was still on until I saw my parents watching it last night. If you remember (hopefully you don't, or your just as ghey as I am), Boston Rob rode the coat tails of Amber in Survivor: All Stars all the way to final and then when he lost, he married Amber, the winner. This year, Dustin Pedroia was brought in after Boston let both Bay and Lowell go. Can Pedroia ride a wave of hitting this year that will bring him success? Red Sox nation sure hopes so.
The "Ghey Train Whistle Penetrating Sandra Bullock's Sprightly Vagina" Award: This is what happens when you have writer's block and ask your fellow Exiles for ideas. I don't know how I even come up with a recipient for this award, let alone someone in the Red Sox organization. Let's go with, I don't know, team GM Theo Epstein, who pulled a Hendryesque move by replacing five of the eight defensive positions from last year's starting lineup. Congrats, Theo, I'm sure you will be the first, and only winner of the GTWPSBSV Award!
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