BALTIMORE ORIOLES
2009: 64-98 (5th place AL East)

So Long: 3B Melvin Mora, RP Danys Baez, Brian Bass, RP Chris Ray, SP Rich Hill, OF Jeff Fiorentino, Sean Henn, Jamie Walker, Bob McCrory, SP/RP Radhames Liz, Steven Johnson, and Chris Waters

Welcome: RP Mike Gonzalez, 3B Miguel Tejada, 1B Garrett Atkins, RP Mark Hendricksen, SP Adam Eaton (minor league deal), SP Kevin Millwood, C Craig Tatum, RP Will "Oh No It's" Ohman (minor league deal).

Projected Starting Lineup (courtesy of rototimes.com)
1. Brian Roberts, 2B
2. Adam Jones, CF
3. Miguel Tejada, 3B
4. Nick Markakis, RF
5. Neiman Reimold, LF
6. Luke Scott, DH
7. Matt Wieters, C
8. Garret Atkins, 1B
9. Cesar Izturis, SS

Rotation - Jeremy Guthrie, Kevin Millwood, Brad Bergeson, Brian Matusz, Chris Tillman
Setup - Cla Meridith, Jim Johnson
Closer - Mike Gonzalez

Crap. First I have to write about the Cleveland Indians and now I get stuck previewing the Baltimore Orioles? The Orioles are about as interesting as a piece of dry white toast and the toast has a better chance of competing in the AL East. Broadcasters like to say "That's why we play 162 games" when some surprising team wins, but realistically, the Orioles could take their balls and go home the second week of April and it wouldn't matter one iota.

Hell, it wouldn't matter if the Orioles ever field a good or even a great team. They are stuck in the worst, most anti-climatic division in the modern game, where you have superpowers New York and Boston engaged in their own spendarific Cold War. Add in the Rays, whose blueprint the Orioles should be following and the occasionally competitive Blue Jays, and you have a recipe for perennial disappointment. Factor in Andy McFail at the helm and it all adds up to DOOM. I hope the Ravens are good next year, Baltimore.


PRESEASON AWARDS

If this team were a disease/ailment it would be: - Multiple Personality Disorder. Are the Orioles a young team? Are they a veteran team? A defensive team? An offensive team? The answer to all of these questions is no. They have some veterans. Crappy veterans. They have some young guys, mostly courtesy of the Chicago Prospect Relocation Program. Their good young guys are biding their time, waiting for their contracts to be up so they can escape from the crab-riddled hell that is Baltimore. Guthrie is probably the one bright spot in their rotation, aside from journeyman Kevin Millwood. At least they have a pretty ballpark.

The Catholic Schoolgirl Dicktease Award: Brian Roberts. Over the past several years, this guy has set the record for most trade rumors, usually involving the Cubs getting him for our flavor of the month uberprospect. Like the Catholic Schoolgirl who insists on remaining a virgin, Brian Roberts continues to be an Oriole. We're sorry, Brian.

The "Big Lots" Award: How bad does an MLB player have to be before these guys will take a pass on him? The Orioles have taken Corey Patterson, a roidless Sammy "No Power" Sosa, Felix Pie, and Rich Hill off the Cubs' hands, plus they're allowing Cesar "The Molester" Izturis to play short and just signed Adam Eaton and Will Ohman to minor league deals. Andy McPhail is the one big league GM who makes me appreciate Jim Hendry. When Ricketts finally decides to can Hendry, ol' Jimbo can look at him and say, "Hey, at least I'm not Andy McPhail.".